I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
