He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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