Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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