It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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