You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
