Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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