I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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