the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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