the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
