You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
