Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
