You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
