You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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