Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm both gender and math confused
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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