I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
