I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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