a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
