The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
