capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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