Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
