He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
