Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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