The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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