Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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