I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A+ Viking dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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