Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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