apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
