I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
