We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
