I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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