I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
