Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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