I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
