i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
