Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
