Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
