He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
