i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
