I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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