she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
