Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
