real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
