hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
