there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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