I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
