I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
