I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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