Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
