oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
