His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
