I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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