wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
