Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
