The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I have post one night stand depression
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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