Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
