I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
