Nicole vs. Life
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
